


Won't Let You Go

by AdelaideLily14



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Post-Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29133978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdelaideLily14/pseuds/AdelaideLily14
Summary: An AU where Sirius Black and Remus Lupin raise Harry Potter after the death of his parents, James and Lily Potter.Some canon compliance, but mainly divergent. The story will follow Harry's time at Hogwarts, and have flashbacks to Marauders Hogwarts eraThis does have wolfstar content, but mainly fluff, and slow burnPLEASE DO NOT COPY TO WATTPADDISCLAIMER: I do not agree with J.K Rowling's transphobic views, and do not agree with her racist, anti-Semitic, stereotypes she uses in the original series.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. The Day it all Changed

1st November, 1981

Remus buried his head in his hands. He didn’t want to believe it. James and Lily dead? Voldemort… gone?  
Remus seemed like the only wizard who didn’t know what had happened the night before, as he returned from a mission set by Dumbledore. As he entered his flat, which he shared, he was met with a grim-looking Sirius. He sat him down and retold the horrors from the previous day. 

“Peter,” muttered Remus, “I would never have thought-“ Sirius cut him off.  
“Nobody would have thought. It was a nasty shock for all of us. But Remus, I want you to listen to me, Dumbledore will be here. Soon. To give us what’s left.”  
“What do you mean, what’s left?” Remus looked at Sirius.  
“Harry.” He replied.

Soon enough, they both heard a loud knock at the door. Sirius slowly made his way and opened it. There he was. Dumbledore, holding a small, green-eyed baby wrapped in a white knitted blanket.  
“Take good care of him” the old wizard said, glancing at the both of them, “But please. Don’t tell him. About what he is. He will be told when the time is right.” Dumbledore swiftly turned on his heel and vanished, winking at Sirius who was now holding the one-year-old closely to his chest.

Sirius looked at Remus, speaking with his eyes as if they were begging for help. They had no idea what they were doing. Not a clue.

“So.. erm, what do we do exactly?” Remus asked Sirius. Sirius looked back at Remus, annoyed.  
“Well Remus! How the hell am I supposed to know? Haven’t exactly had any experience in parenting before today!”  
“Come on Sirius! You have visited Harry many times since he was born, did James and Lily not tell you anything?” Sirius simply gave Remus a blank stare, as if he was lost for words. Remus couldn’t tell if he was thinking, or hurt, but he could tell that Sirius wasn’t okay.

Remus sat Sirius down, taking Harry from his arms. Sirius buried his head between Remus’ knees and sobbed.  
“I- I’m Sorry Remus, but I am so scared. What if we mess up? I’m his godfather for fuck sake.” Remus ran his fingers through the soft, curly locks of Sirius’ hair.  
“It’s gonna be alright Sirius, I promise.”

Sirius eventually got up and started arranging a temporary bed of spare pillows and blankets for Harry, it wasn’t a lot but it would do him until Sirius and Remus could buy him a cot. Remus held Harry in his arms, lovingly, gently bouncing him up and down, he gave Harry a smile. And he smiled back. “What beautiful eyes you have, Harry” he cooed, “just like your mother.” Oh how Remus wished Harry could have grown up with his parents, his real parents and not the inexperienced fools he had ended up with. He loved Harry, a lot, but he reminded him of his father. A little too much. It hurt Remus to look at Harry, the resemblance between the two was uncanny. Stop! He thought to himself. He can’t let his feelings get in the way of the fact that Harry needs him. He needs Sirius. He needs people to love him, take care of him until he is ready to learn the truth of who he is.

Sirius came back from his bedroom, “ the bed is ready for Harry if you want to put him to bed. I can make dinner.” Remus nodded and layed Harry on the neat pile of pillows and watched him until he fell asleep.

“Accio pasta!” he heard Sirius shout from the kitchen.  
“Sshh! Harry is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.” Sirius quickly apologised and put water in their auto-boiling kettle.  
“You’re really smart Remus, you know that right? I wasn’t the best at charms but this stuff is pretty cool!” Remus gave Sirius a quick smile and sat down at the table. “This will be a challenge, it’s nothing like transfiguration or arithmancy. It’s real life. We are gonna get through this!” Sirius had by this point mastered the act of reassuring Remus. He was very anxious when in school, but Sirius was always there for him. He walked over to Remus and squeezed his hand, and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Remus blushed, but it was nothing major, as when they were younger, Sirius, James and Remus would share a bed during the Christmas holidays and nobody ever thought anything of it. The last few years had been different, though. They had been living together since leaving Hogwarts, but both had different work to do during the war meaning that they had barely seen each other. Lies, secrets, broken friendship. The war had changed them. Both Remus and Sirius secretly hoped that they could rekindle what was their perfect friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is the first chapter, I could really use some feedback! This is a bit shorter than what I would have liked, but I am planning to write 2000 words per chapter approx. from now on.


	2. Alone

November 3rd, 1981

Remus woke up early that morning after putting Harry to bed at a sensible time that night. Maybe I’m getting good at this, he thought. He made his way to the kitchen where he saw pots, pans, dirty plates and cutlery on the counters and table. Ugh I thought I asked Sirius to clean this shit up last night. He forgave him, after all it is his birthday today. He drew out his wand, “Scourgify!” he whispered, and all the dishes immediately cleaned themselves and returned to their proper cabinets. Remus spent the next thirty minutes preparing breakfast in bed for Sirius. A mug full of coffee, buttered slices of toast with a small glass jar of strawberry jam, and a hard boiled egg. He took the tray of food upstairs and quietly knocked on Sirius’ door. “Hello? Can I come in?” No response. He put the tray down on the floor next to the door and knocked again, “Sirius I’m coming in now, just to make sure you’re ok.” He slowly opened the door to see an empty bed.

Fuck. Has he really given up already? Remus was unsure what to think, he was angry, disappointed, but most of all, confused. It wasn’t like Sirius to just give up on something. Remus sat down at the kitchen table with the tray in front of him, and waited. He waited until the coffee went cold. He waited until Harry eventually woke up and started crying for his food. He waited until the sunset, which in fairness wasn’t that late considering it was November. He waited until he had picked so much skin from his thumbs that he saw a small amount of blood dripping from them. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t wait anymore. He decided that it would be best if he waited until the morning, and see if he would come back. He gave Harry his last milk bottle and had an early night.

November 4th, 1981

In the morning Remus woke up, praying that Sirius would have returned in the night, and be asleep in his bed. He ran to Sirius’ room and flung open the door. Bed empty. “Sirius!” he yelled, “where the fuck are you?” He swiftly walked back to his room and picked up Harry, who was sleeping soundly next to his wardrobe. “We are gonna go on a little walk Harry. Are you okay with that?” Harry had opened his eyes and smiled at Remus, he took that as a yes. Remus struggled to imagine where Sirius could be, but the first place that came to his head was the Leaky Cauldron. He gripped Harry tighter than usual as he concentrated on landing, and disappeared with a faint pop! Even though Remus had apparated many times, it still felt as if he was being sucked through a wormhole. He sympathised with Harry, it hurts a lot to apparate as a child, let alone a baby! He had landed outside the Leaky Cauldron, which looked as shabby as ever. Recycling bins with white, plastic bags spilling over the top. Rats scurrying around looking for something to eat, one shooting up Remus’ leg, but shaking it off.

He looked up and saw the faint writing on the black sign saying “The Leaky Cauldron” he went inside and walked straight up to the bar where he asked, “Excuse me, sir. Have you seen Sirius Black recently? Like since yesterday morning?”  
“Unfortunately for you sir, I haven’t seen that man in a few months, before you-know-who… well, you know.” The man looked at Remus, apologetically.  
“Yeah, okay” he replied, “thanks for letting me know.” Remus sat down at the nearest table and sighed. It’s been two bloody days and he’s already given up. What would James and Lily say? “Aha!” Remus briskly stood up, gripped Harry and vanished once more, this time landing on a road in Godric’s Hollow.

He walked slowly towards the end of the road, where he saw a man wearing a large leather jacket, sitting on the moss covered steps in front of what looked like a quaint little cottage, but now destroyed. Glass shards in the bushes, and on the windowsills from where the green strobes of a wand had attacked. A dark, wooden door collapsed inside, of which vases layed on the floor smashed into hundreds of tiny, white pieces, and photos which were probably able to move at one point, hung still with glass protectors piercing the photo paper. The man looked up at him, with tears dripping down his face. He quickly wiped them away before standing up to face Remus, with Harry still in his arms. They both stared at the ground for a few seconds, unsure of what to say, and neither of them wanted to be the first to speak.  
“Look Remus, I’m-” Remus cut him off.  
“No. Sirius, listen to me. You can’t just run off like that. I was fucking worried! I had Harry all by myself, I had no idea what happened to you and I couldn’t leave Harry alone so I waited. I waited for you to come through the door. I waited for you to apparate into our home so I could stop worrying! But you didn’t. This is so unlike you, Sirius. You hurt me.”

Sirius tried to say something, but nothing came out. Remus shook his head, and apparated back to the house. It was only mid-afternoon but Remus decided it would be best if he put Harry to bed. After doing so, he cleaned up the food he had prepared the day before and sat in his bed, looking at the ceiling for what felt like forever. Just as his eyes began to close, he heard a pop coming from the room across. He got up from his bed and walked towards Sirius’ room where he saw him standing next to his bed, but avoiding eye contact. He turned around to go back to his room when he heard Sirius whisper,  
“please stay.” By his request, he sat down next to Sirius, but neither of them spoke a word until Sirius broke the silence. “Remus. I am so sorry. I- I felt stressed, and upset and confused. I shouldn’t have done that, but I had to go to the house-” Remus butted in  
“Why? Why did you have to go? You could have asked, Sirius!”  
“No, I couldn’t have.” Sirius replied, “you wouldn’t understand. This is my responsibility to look after Harry. I’m his godfather, and James and Lily put their trust in me. I’m responsible for him! I’m responsible for him, Remus!” Sirius looked at Remus with his big, grey eyes, filled with tears.  
“I understand, Sirius. But I am here too, you know! You can’t just think about yourself, and you’re right, you are responsible for him so don’t be such an irresponsible prick! This is new for both of us, and if you don’t think that James and Lily would have trusted me as well,” Remus gulped, “then I don’t know what to say to you.” 

November 7th, 1981

The past few days have been torture for Sirius and Remus. They weren’t talking to each other, and tried to avoid being in the same room at once. Sirius had been spending time with Harry, and Remus had been thinking. The full moon was in four days, and Remus was on edge, he had no idea where to go or what to do. It hadn’t been much of a problem before, as during the war he would transform with Greyback’s pack as a mission for the Order. But now, he had nowhere to go. He tried researching places to transform, but it couldn’t be anywhere near a town, or anywhere with too many wild animals because Remus shuddered at the thought that he might hunt something. And eat it. As he was flicking through pages of a UK map, he didn’t hear Sirius come into his room. Remus smelled something, looked up and saw Sirius standing in the doorway, staring right into his eyes. Something about the way he looked at him made Remus feel sorry, but he wasn’t sure what. Maybe it was the dark bags underneath his pale grey eyes, or maybe it was the scars on his cheeks which caught his attention. No. I can’t just forgive him because he has a couple of scars. But maybe just this once, he would forgive him. Maybe.

“Sirius, I’m not in the mood right now” he snapped, “I have to find a place to.. you know.. transform. The full moon is in four days and I haven’t a clue.” Sirius walked over to his bed, and sat on it completely invading Remus’ privacy as he rested his legs on Remus’ who were crossed. “What are you doing?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Yorkshire Dales National Park” said Sirius.  
“What?” replied Remus. Sirius sighed,  
“It’s quite isolated, lots of hills, lots of green, and animals are generally cooped up. You should be fine.”  
“Oh. Erm, thanks Sirius!” Remus took a deep breath, “Erm, I’m sorry about the other day, I was a right bitch about the whole thing, I understand that you wanna be good at the whole parenting thing.” He looked away as he said this, he didn’t want to look at Sirius.  
“Remus, really? You shouldn’t be the one apologising here. You are right, it was irresponsible of me to run off like that. I’m not at Hogwarts anymore, I can’t run away from my problems, I can’t run away from my family,” Sirius looked nervous when saying that, he didn’t like talking about his family. “I know that James and Lily would have trusted you, so please Remus, trust me too.” Remus wasn’t sure how to respond to this, he was shocked as Sirius had never apologised like this before, being such a proud and confident person. Unless you count at the end of their fifth year, of course.  
Remus sighed, “come here you big twat.” He pulled Sirius in for a hug, one they both desperately needed. It seemed to last for hours, Sirius’ fingers started digging into Remus’ back, accidentally touching one of his scars. Remus flinched, but Sirius rubbed his back, soothingly. When they finally broke away, it felt awkward, and neither were sure why.  
“Right then” Sirius announced, “better get Harry his final milk bottle before bed.” Remus smiled as he left the room,  
“Wait! Sirius!” he called, “happy late birthday.”  
“Thanks. Means a lot.” Sirius walked away, and Remus put away his maps.

There was still tension between the two, which Remus couldn’t figure out. It scared him. He didn’t want to feel the way he did during the war. Alone. Unable to trust those around him, even the marauders couldn’t trust him. But as he thought of the marauders, he thought of Pettigrew. A burning sensation inside him wanted to go to Azkaban and just kill him. But he couldn’t. There is nothing he can do. The Potters are dead, and Pettigrew is getting what he deserves. The feeling of being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading chapter 2! I hope u guys are enjoying it, and I hope to get another chapter out on Friday


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